You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
- Jerry Seinfeld

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- Steven Wright

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
- Steven Wright

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
- Edward Morykwas

Anybody can have a birthday. It requires nothing. Murderers have birthdays. It's the opposite of anything that I believe in. And I don't like at work where you stop everything to sing 'Happy Birthday' to someone. I feel like that's for children.
- Mindy Kaling

May you live all the days of your life.
- Jonathan Swift

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
- Cora Harvey Armstrong

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.
- Bernard Baruch

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost

If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
- Ubie Blake

I want to live to be 120. That's when I will start worrying about my age.
- Helena Christensen

There is still no cure for the common birthday.
- John Glenn

As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
- Norman Wisdom

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- E. Joseph Cossman

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain

Age is not important, unless you're cheese.
- Helen Hayes

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I guess I don't mind so much being old, as I mind being fat and old.
- Peter Gabriel

People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body.
- Geoffrey Parfitt